What The Past brings

Have you ever felt empty? No I don’t mean a feeling of abandonment, loneliness or even depression, what I mean is a feeling that destroys everything else in your life, like everything you have done has lead up to one moment that ultimately ruined your life, I say this because I now have this feeling pulsating through my entire body and I know soon I will meet my end by his hand, but this is not where the story starts. 

I wasn’t a normal kid, while other teenagers my age found comfort in drinking, drugs and sex I was always repulsed by such actions, instead I found enjoyment out of learning about biology, the human mind and even science fiction novels like Frankstein by Mary Shelley. I lived with my parents and my older brother Alex, now Alex was a normal teenager, as soon as he began his transformation into a man he decided to go “out on the town” and to drink himself so blind that my parents have many stories about waking up at the crack of dawn to pick him up from whichever drunk tank he had ended up at, despite our opposite natures and our seven year age gap we were close , we were so close that when I was eleven and he was eighteen he told me about his first girlfriend and how much he loved her, something he wouldn’t even admit to his friends until months had past, however everything changed when I was eighteen. 

On my eighteenth birthday Alex insisted that we go out to a club to celebrate the beginning of my transformation into an adult but I was seriously doubtful about the idea, “Come on dude it’ll be fun, you can wet your beak and might even score” Alex said in a wavy yet experienced tone, “It may be for you but if i want to go to university next year then I’m going to need to start saving as much as I can” I said in an almost worried tone, “How about this, I’ll pay for the first few round and if you are still having fun when the good stuff kicks in you can go from there” Alex offered, I thought the offer over before saying “So I could keep my money for university and satisfy your harmful and sometimes painful hobby”, “That sounds about right yeah” Alex said in a similar manner to a game show host, “Well then in the brave words of Alex, my brother, Fuck it” I said in attmept to kick off the evening early. After saying goodbye to our parents and grabbing our cards, we eventually made it into the nightclub Alex spend the majority of his weekends, Alex waved over the bartender and began ordering our drinks, the smell of the nightclub invaded my nostrils as I could smelt a combine of sweat, drugs and desperation, looking over to my left I could see a group of extremely drunk older women trying to dance to some unknown song, their dance moves had no rhyme or rhythm to them, “Is this what awaits me?” I thought. As the night progressed and drinks kept coming I felt my body become more and more detached from my mind, “Is this supposed to happen?” I asked Alex, looking over to the side I could see that Alex was nowhere to be seen, “Alex?” I said while trying to get up, as soon as my feet hit the floor my head spun in a hundred different directions and the lights of the club felt like lasers out to get me, I looked over to the dance floor and I thought I saw Alex, “Alex!” I shouted but my words fell on deaf ears as the pounding music of the club silenced my words, I attempted to walk normally towards the dance floor while my vision and movements were staggered, eventually I made it to the dance when a women appeared in front of me, she attempted to say something but before I could ask again she grabbed my hands and we began to dance, my mind was a mess with the sober me begging me to stop while the new me demanded that I continue, I decided I need something new and I move my hands towards the girls waists and continued to dance. Before I could really focus on my surroundings I found myself slumped in a toilet cubicle, as I got to my feet my sober side began taking over and demanded that I leave the club and get some air, obeying this command I found myself outside the club with the sky a light purple, suddenly a thought came to me, “Alex?!”, I frantically tried to select his contact on my phone, I heard the iconic ring noise and after it I heard a noise that was both hopeful yet terrifying at the same time, I heard Alex’s ringing phone, it was coming from a small ally behind me, I approached the ally and there he was, Alex slumped up against the wall, “Alex..bro you had me worried dude, I thought you left” I said, Alex didn’t responded, “Oh come on dude get up Mum and Dad will be worried” I said while picking up a can and throwing it at Alex, then Alex slowly turned and fell onto his side, I rushed over in a panic and tried everything to get him to wake up, “Alex? Alex!” I also cried in a worried tone, then I notice the hand I had placed on his stomach was now covered in wet and sticky blood, I lifted his shirt and I saw his chest and lower stomach covered in multiple stab women’s, “No…No.No No No No no no no no” I said starting out as a matter of fact before my words turned into crying moans, “No Alex Please Please Please… don’t don’t Please”. 

As it turned out Alex had left the club to call up a friend and from there a group of “gangsters” try to rob him, Alex tried to fight back but it was four against one, I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be this matter of fact but given what would happened next, what I would do…I'm getting ahead of myself. 

The funeral was awful, I had people who I hadn’t seen in years and even people that I had never met telling me how sad they were about Alex’s passing. I didn’t give a shit about their apologies and their fain attempt about sympathy, all I wanted was Alex back. When it was finished my dad drove me and my mother back home, “Where were you?” my mother said in an emotionally emptied tone, “What?” I said somewhat confused by the question, “The night Alex died, you weren’t with him when he was attacked, where were you?” My mother said in a similar manner to a interrogator, “I was still in the club, I don’t really remember much of that night” I said and I could hear the combined tired and frustrated inhales and exhales of two people who had lost their first child, I knew they blamed me and I also blamed myself. 

The next week went by as usual, Mum and Dad worked and I continued my last year of college, the house felt so empty with Alex, almost like he was the glue that kept us all together, without him my parents didn’t talk or even made attempts to engage with me, it felt like I had died to, I needed to do something, I wanted my life to go back to normal and most of all I wanted Alex. Frustrated and depressed, I attempted to try and distract my mind from the events of the last few days and continued reading Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, while reading the book my mind began wondering “How could you let Alex die?” “What kind of brother does that?” “Why didn’t you just say no?” “You need to do something, something that can make everything right, you need to bring Alex back”, while these thoughts were swirling around my head I came across one quote that for the first time filled me with hope “Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.”, It was then I knew what I must do. 

A few days later my parents told me they were taking a trip while I stayed at home to study in time for my Final Project, but I had no intention of studying anything, without my parents knowledge I had dropped out of college and began my research into reviving the dead studying both scientific and “magical” means which led me to the an extreme simple yet almost impossible conclusion, I needed a high amount of electricity, “A Power Station?” I thought, “No it will be guarded” my thought was quickly diminished, “Maybe a junction box?” I thought hope reignited, “No it would have the power to pull this off”, my mind became a dangerous, heat mess at this point, I want to save Alex, I wanted to bring him back, but there was nothing I could do, “IT’S NOT FAIR, AHHHHHHHHHH!” I screamed in a rage while flipping over my desk sending notes, books and pens flying across the room, I stood silently while basking in what I had done the mess I had created, I begin attempting to clean up the mess when I notice the computer was on an article I had never seen before, it read “Olympus Industries to demolish old Bedwood Asylum in hopes of cleansing the past of its mistakes” and thens when it hit me, Bedwood used electric chairs to execute unwanted or incurable patients ages ago, I finally felt a real and almost tangible sense of Hope as I quickly gathered my equipment to finally bring back my brother. 

I soon found my way to the old Bedwood Asylum with Alex’s corpse with me, “Wow Alex, I never realised you were so heavy,” I said, trying to lighten the depressing mood. We eventually made our way down into one of the old electroshock rooms, I began setting us as quickly as I could “Okay that goes there, plug this into here and cut that ther… ahhhhhhh” I shouted as I cut my finger on the chair deep enough to draw blood, I didn’t have to worry as I quickly began setting up Alex within the electric chair, his body was in the latent stage of decay as I could feel his bones and flesh snapped and tare away, luckily I got him set up without much trouble and began strapping him into the chair, “Well bro, you always said I was going to change the world, and now I am with you at my side” I said to Alex before placing my hand upon his cheek, I walked over to the execution switch and time seemed to slowly down to a painful slog, “What was I doing?, This is Insane, and Is this what he would want?” These thoughts spun around my head but I came up with the same answer in response, “I have to try”. I stood besides the switch and with bated breath I said “I love you Alex” and I pull the switch down, I heard the wired old machines produced a loud and torturous noise before seeing the yellow tinted electricity descend down upon my brother and shock his body into motion, I held down the switch “Come On, This has to work” I said as I increased the power output, the electricity began glowing an extremely painful glow as Alex’s body was moving at a speed that no living being has ever experienced, “ALEXXXXXXX!” I shouted over the intense waves of Electrical revival on Alex’s body, “Uhhh.uhhh” I thought I heard something from Alex’s corpse. I continued to up the power, “Alex” I shouted loud enough for me to hear me, “Alex!..... Alex!” I kept shouting when suddenly, the power went out, “No No No.. Not Now Not Now” I scream while frantically jumping trying to reconnect the power, I unplugged everything and reconnected them, I tried to jump start the power by replacing the wires but nothing was working, “Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCKKKK!” I shouted, feeling defeated and tired at the same time I walked over to the corpse of my brother and just sob, I sob before sitting back and looking at what I had done to my brother, before I could say anything his eyes shot open in a painful and intense motion, he lifted his head up and looked directly at me “Yyyyyyyyoooooooouuuuu?” he said in a low gravel sounding whisper, “Alex, Alex” I said before dashing over and embracing him in a hug, “I missed you so much… I.. I thought I lost you” I said while holding back a tsunami of tears, “I Saved you, now everything can go back to normal, can’t it?”, while hugging him I felt strange things crawling around his body, I thought they were maggots but they were way too big. Alex soon said “Wwwhyyyyyy?”, “What do you mean Why?” I was confused as to his words, I broke the embrace we shared and took a few steps back. Alex began to shift violently in the chair causing his bloated flesh and brittle bones to break, I cringed at the sound and then I heard “Why….. Did you do this?” coming from Alex’s rotten and skulled face, “I did it to save you, to bring you back and make us a family again” I screamed and also shouted near the end of my sentence, “you….. I will always…” Alex’s voice grew silent and raspy, his head hung down but then all of sudden his head shot up and it said “HATE YOU!” Gone was the voice of Alex and in its place was an unholy voice that was painful to listen to, “What the hell?” I blurted out in a state of pure terror, “Not Hell” I heard this creature speak from a dried and decayed throat, “The Abyss”, I fought back tears but my voice betrayed me, “Where’s Alex, What did you do to him?” I cried out in pure confusion and terror, “He is with us”, the creature said and then continued with, “He is ours now like some many others of your world, and we will enjoy tormenting poor little Alex for all eternity”, my mind began sobbing as it focused on the fact that this creature was was changing, barely noticeable I saw the leather straps on the chair beginning to expand and I heard the wood on the chair begin to break, then it continued “We will feasts on his bone and dance around your dreams in his decay skin for as long as you can be bothered to live”  it’s voice now distorting into an unholy mess, “You will live your life in fear and emptiness, you will never love, never bare children, and you will never face your parents again because of the horrid memories of what you did to your dear Alex, HAHAHAHAH”, it said in a high pitch chuckle which turned into an unholy laughter, its head shot up to face then the ceiling then it looked back towards me still laughing, it’s face was a purple infested mess of dried bone, bugs and dead flesh, I watched how the strange bugs inside of it crawled in and out of his mouth and watch in horror as his teeth were forcefully pushed out by sharp spike like stones, but the worst bit was it’s eyes, gone where the creamy green eyes I knew as my brothers, replaced with darkened, greyed, sunken and crimson red glowling eyes that terrified me to my very spirit. I felt so bad but I ran, I ran away from the thing I created, I ran away from the monster I unleashed upon this world, but no matter how far iI ran I could still here the monsters demented laughter through the asylum, I don’t know but I eventually made it out, and collapsed to the ground and began to cry about what I had done. 

It’s been six years since since Alex’s death and I have tried my best to move on, I don’t talk to my parents anymore and I have done my best to completely isolated myself from the rest of the universe, honestly I am writing this as a final confession, for six years I had seen the cut and drawn skin of my brother dancing in my dreams, I have heard the demented laughter of the unholy creature and honestly I just want it all to end. Before I leave this world at the end of a rope, please heed my warning, sometimes the past is best left forgotten.